Social Skill With Pheromones

As you emerge from auto-pilot and begin holding space with every person you encounter, your pheromone skills will get better -- and so will the way people feel about and respond to you. While it may be scary and nerve-wracking being that vulnerable at first, the stronger your muscles get and the more positive interactions you have, the easier it will be for you to do it well. Practicing holding space with anyone and everyone you come across, and with yourself, is how you achieve mastery and reroute the path of your life in pheromone production.

While holding space is the most important social skill you can ever develop -- the foundation for everything else I discuss in this book -- there is one other thing that's equally important when starting conversations with strangers, at least in a social setting. Learn more at

To return to our friend Mateo, although his interactions with one or two people began improving as he practiced holding space, whenever he tried to enter a conversation with a group of people, he still felt like the odd man out. This fear was confirmed as they physically shut him out of the group time and time again. Watching him, though, it was clear that they weren't making him the odd man out -- he was doing it to himself with nothing more than a half-step for greater pheromones. learn more at

As I observed Mateo approach group after group from my vantage, it couldn't have been clearer. Everyone else in the group held a similar distance from each other -- a friendly distance that we normally take when interacting with people with whom we're comfortable. When Mateo approached though, he was keeping himself about a half-step farther away from everyone else. It's another common rut -- when we're further away from everyone it doesn't feel as awkward to us. This half-step, however, creates an awkward distance for everyone else that screams, “I'm an outsider; I'm not one of you.” Learn more at

Presenting himself as an outsider guaranteed that the group would feel the nervousness he was bringing, judge him as such, and with the distance he created it was easy for the rest of them to shut him out of the circle. I had him focus on moving in that extra half-step to make himself a part of the group when he approached and immediately he noticed a big change. Now that he was standing at normal distance, the other people stopped viewing him as an outcast and started treating him as a member of the group. Although the intimacy brought on by the added closeness felt scary as all heck to Mateo at first, it quickly became comfortable -- not in the same “safe” way that it was before, but in the way it felt when he was with friends. He no longer got shut out because he no longer invited people to shut him out using natural pheromones.

Note: if you try this only with the women who make you nervous and allow your old behaviors to govern all other interactions, then you will never truly improve, nor will others’ responses to you. Whenever you’re not focusing on holding space, you’re probably falling back into your old ruts and patterns and reinforcing those self-sabotaging actions even more. If you’re not consciously forcing yourself to perform this vital but under-practiced skill with everyone, then you’re just continuing on your current trajectory of pheromones.


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